fiyo_101

Spending half of month in my lovely homeland BALI makes me think: will i have another home as comfortable as this..? will i have this joyful family in the future..? maybe my questions should be…CAN I HAVE those such beautiful wonderful amazing joyful family..? i know no body could answer, even me, myself.

I spent my first week in BALI mostly with my family. and they’ve drown me.  We didn’t have such a glamorous fancy lifestyle, indeed we never spent  like hundred thousand rupiah, or going to some fancy place,  nope! cleaning house, cooking, watching tv and playing cards (my fave!) were some of our activities beside going outside to see grand ma and some colleague  who held a traditional ceremony. that’s it. that’s really it. and i was drown. i feel like this is what i’m looking for. this is the destination of my life. living in the middle of people with such a great great love to share. and i wanna be there for the rest of my life;forever.

One thing that i could not have is that last sentence.  be there forever.  even if i’m begging  crawling  and dying to. i have to have my own. just like my sister with her hubby and three cutie kids, just like my brother with his lovely wife. they had it already. and they’re waiting for mine. could i..? what if i failed? what if my home is not as hommie as theirs..? won’t it break them..? coz i heard a lot of marriage story and none of them is right. hmm… i dont know. maybe i should try.

Some of them said, nothing is perfect. means that no marriage is perfect. so why should we try if at the end we know we try on something imperfect..?

Some people said, we have to feel suffer to know what happy is. if that so, i choose not to know what happy is rather to feel suffer. am i wrong..?

if i were gone i wish people will always remember me, in a good way..
if i were gone i wish i won’t make any trouble..
if i were gone  i wish everything will be more beautiful than before
if i were gone i wish there will be happiness here and there, everywhere..

if i were really gone, i wish i could still have a space in your heart
a space where you can go if u need me beside u,
a space where you can stand up if u were down,
a space where you will wipe your tears and smile..

for all the good things and bad i have done in my whole life,
i just want to see u happy, nothing more.
for all the good things and bad you have done to me,
family, friends and lover, i just can say thank you,
thank you for coloring my life,
thank you for showing me how wonderful life is..

…
if i were gone, will i have a lil’ space in your heart..?

… and once again God give me a gift,
He leads me to  a right person last night,
i was almost giving up to finish my paper when suddenly a friend of mine "buzz" me,
and asked what i was doing..
and i almost didn’t believe that my friend, who just buzzed me for the first time, is someone who deal with the topic i wrote on my paper..!
he’s working on it! i was so surprise and of course happy, so so happy..!
God, what should i tell u..?
a thank you..? is it enough..?
you keep giving me a gift, and i just never give you back..
and how can i think that You just not fair when something bad happen to me???
i am sorry, i am so sorry….
i’m sorry for all tears that falling from my eyes…
tears for something that i don’t want to be happened,
and sometime for a thing that i couldn’t change..
now i know. i understand. and i do realize.
there is always a reason why something happen to me.
and whatever the reason is, it must be the best for me…

Thank you God, thank you for always be there for me..

dear terronk and kiki..

thx for the surprise..
you’re two crazy girls..he..
telat bgt..but i’m sooo happy..
finally i make my 26th birthday wish.. haha..

but overall,
that nite was EXTRAgrrrreat, if i could say..
i saw my "lost" bestfriend, terronx was back..
hmm.. sorry for telling u this, soulmate,
but i really lost u lately, but that nite u were back..
i’m so happy.. that is "you" i want to see..
you, my best friend.
i never saw u this right. u were just right that nite.
i don’t know, but i’m sure u know what i mean, n i hope u feel it too..
please, keep it that way dear..
we are strong, fearless and know exactly what we’re doing,
as long as we’re doing right and honest to ourself and the Almighty God,
no one can stop.
keep doing right babe..
don’t let anyone ruin your own life.
‘coz this is our own life. we draw, we act, and we feel.
u are more than anyone. never be the passenger of anyone’s life. 
drive your own life, let the rest be your passenger.
and drive it to be near Him, so He would lead u to the right way.

i’m here to support u. always.
XOXOXO

should i be happy..?
should i be sad..?
should i be mad..?

when the true one comes,
not at the right time
not in the right situation,,

should i take..?
should i refuse..?
should i fight..?

when the perfect one comes
not to be received
not to be possessed..

give me your way, Lord..
i can’t figure it out..

Deg!
koq gini ya, kayaknya ada yang salah..
ada apa ya..?
ujian udah selse,
wedding sodara udah ada yg urus,,
mom, dad, bro, sist are fine!
what is it???

triiinggg..! (sms bunyi..)
Wanda nyusul Cok De mang,,

….

…….,,,

……mmmmhhh…

Rest In Peace, friends..
i’ll be missing you..

mmhhh..
long week end….!!
tapiii.. mau ujian..
tragis!
4 hari 4 malem di kamar dengan setumpuk buku yang belum pernah tersentuh sedikitpun, hehe… my bad..
God help..!
inikah hukumanku..?
setelah puas menatap istana sultan bolkiah dan the grand palace serta gajah2 menari,
hukumannya adalah baca bukubuku memuakkan ini..?
dan kehilangan bukti otentik masa bersenang2ku di negri sebrang..!
D***!
ditambah lagi kabar tak sedap dari kampung halaman tercinta..
ah! Tuhan.. rasanya semua ini tak sebanding..
aku hanya pergi sebentar..
sejenak melupakan semuanya, dan merasakan apa yang dirasakan orang2 berduit itu.. hanya liburan pendek..
aku bahkan tak melupakan siapapun, apalagi Kau..

…

lagi-lagi jawabannya adalah.. ups and down,, haha..
bosen bgt dengernya….

on a silence day..
in my silence pray..
i really wish..
he is the one..

is he? God..?
please let it be.. "yes"..?

another weekend..
in my room, with so many works and sadly,no one…!
lonely? haha.. silly question, of course!!
it’s just so different with last weekend, my best weekend ever..
yeah.. they’re right, there always be ups and downs..
and life is just about dealing with our "downs" time..
when  u pass it, u’ll have a great life,
but if u don’t, u’ll feel like u were damned..
so, wherever you are, whatever you have, just enjoy it..
then u’re life is great!

missin’ u home!
missin’ u mom!
missin’ u love!
missin’ u…. my great old time!
really wanna be there sometime.. could i ?

great weekend.
bali.the one i love.downtownvillas.rumours.wine.hugs.massage.dreamland.jimbaran’s seafood.kisses.pranaspa.thestudio.warungbatavia.pringles.hugs.sandal jepit.giordano.bali beach golf course.breadtalk.coco crunch.kisses.orange juice.and of course,passport.
anything better??? nope! it was the best.
thank’s God, You made it happen.

What a S I N G L E lady…!!?!!?! haha…. Am I ..? ;p