fiyo_101

Spending half of month in my lovely homeland BALI makes me think: will i have another home as comfortable as this..? will i have this joyful family in the future..? maybe my questions should be…CAN I HAVE those such beautiful wonderful amazing joyful family..? i know no body could answer, even me, myself.

I spent my first week in BALI mostly with my family. and they’ve drown me.  We didn’t have such a glamorous fancy lifestyle, indeed we never spent  like hundred thousand rupiah, or going to some fancy place,  nope! cleaning house, cooking, watching tv and playing cards (my fave!) were some of our activities beside going outside to see grand ma and some colleague  who held a traditional ceremony. that’s it. that’s really it. and i was drown. i feel like this is what i’m looking for. this is the destination of my life. living in the middle of people with such a great great love to share. and i wanna be there for the rest of my life;forever.

One thing that i could not have is that last sentence.  be there forever.  even if i’m begging  crawling  and dying to. i have to have my own. just like my sister with her hubby and three cutie kids, just like my brother with his lovely wife. they had it already. and they’re waiting for mine. could i..? what if i failed? what if my home is not as hommie as theirs..? won’t it break them..? coz i heard a lot of marriage story and none of them is right. hmm… i dont know. maybe i should try.

Some of them said, nothing is perfect. means that no marriage is perfect. so why should we try if at the end we know we try on something imperfect..?

Some people said, we have to feel suffer to know what happy is. if that so, i choose not to know what happy is rather to feel suffer. am i wrong..?